I woke up this morning feeling upset about a situation that happened
in my family. I wanted to talk to God about it,
but I was so upset that I felt like I couldn’t go to Him because of how I was feeling. I was mad,
angry, upset, frustrated, and most of all confused about how this situation was handled.
I tried for the life of me to understand, but still came up short. I didn’t feel like I was able to be in
a good enough place to pour my heart out to the Lord, so I just cried until I
cry anymore. Then, I cried some more. I still don’t feel like I’m done crying, but at least I’m able
to write about it.
I don’t like this feeling at all. I want to move past it, but the way my mind works, I have
to get some understanding before I’m able to let it go, so I replay it over and over and over in my
mind until I’m able to figure out where I went wrong. The thing is, I don’t think I was wrong and
sure the other person doesn’t either.
But, even though I’m trying
to understand the m, I don’t get the feeling they are trying to understand me, and that’s the part
that hurts the most.
Trying to get someone to understand you when all they want to do is make you see their
point is frustrating.
Communication isn’t supposed to be about who is right, it’s trying to understand where
the other person is coming from.
I am the type of person who listens to understand, not listen to rebuttal. That’s why I ask, does that
make sense? Or do you understand what I mean? Because if you don’t, let me try to explain it in a
way that you do understand.
Even as I sit here, trying to write about it my heart hurts. I’m still upset and it’s been a few days. I
want to be over it, but I don’t know how to let it go.
My mind can’t see past the hurt that I feel and I know I shouldn’t hold on to it.
I’ve seen too many posts that say to be strong enough to forgive without hearing an apology.
Or that it takes a strong person to forgive and let go of hurt.
I do agree with those statements, but I still need to process what happened to see where I went
wrong or to ask the Lord what am I supposed to learn from this situation.
Part of me isn’t even looking for an apology, even though it would be nice for them to acknowledge
what they did, I honestly don’t think I will get one, so I’m not looking for it. I am really just hurt
by the disrespect I received as I was trying to help them understand the situation.
When I start to replay the situation in my head, a song comes to mind. Good and Loved by Travis
Greene. The words to the song are:
Through the chaos, I will be your joy
When you’re finished, I have so much more
In the waiting, I’m an open door
Stand still and know, I am your Lord
They’ll be times when you’re up
And times when you’re down
I’m never too far
Just look around and you’ll find Me
I’m by your side, arms open wide
I am good, you are loved
Just reading those words brings tears my eyes In all the chaos that is around me, God is
still good and I am still loved by Him. After spinning my wheels and telling Him how I feel, he
says to me:
Everything about me is good
I will never steer you in the wrong direction
When you think things aren’t good, they are always working for your good
Shift your focus when you find yourself thinking otherwise
It’s never about what you’re going through
It’s about you turning to me to help you navigate what is going on around you
It’s a process
All of it is used to get you to where I’m taking you
Stop thinking you can only come to me when you’re having a difficult time
Just because you’re going through a trial doesn’t mean that’s the only time I show up
I’m in the midst of it all
Things don’t always change overnight and
a lot of times they get worse before they get better
Just know that they will get better
Remember who you’re fighting…
It’s never been about the person
Look past who it is and remember what it is
It’s trying to get you off track
Use your sword
I’ve already equipped you with it
Put it to work and stop trying to fight it without your armor
You will win
It’s never been about you
It’s been about what’s inside of you
The enemy is trying to keep you distracted from what you’re supposed to do
In all this going in circles about how to handle a situation that shouldn’t have had my focus, the
is me distracted. Instead of giving it to God and allowing Him to refine me,
I’ve been holding on to it.
He’s still working on me y’all. I know my situation will get better. I just need to remember that
being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you (and me) will
complete it. (Phil 1:6)