The Choice Is Yours

Choosing to be happy with things around me seems to be making me not so happy, which is something I struggled with. I was able to go to Portland this past week and boy did I need to. I was starting to feel overwhelmed with my family, I was getting burnt out as a mom, and I was being short with my husband.

My 6-year-old daughter, Eryn, kept asking me why I kept yelling, which stung every time she said that to me.  My husband, Aaron, kept asking me what was wrong, and I gave the answer “nothing” when in fact he knew there was something wrong.

I was just starting to feel like I needed to get away and be by myself. I headed to Portland, don’t know why I went there but wanted to go somewhere I’ve never been. I stayed at an Airbnb and was shocked at how nice and centrally located it was.

I was able to walk pretty much anywhere I wanted to go and it was awesome, relaxing, and just nice to only have to worry about myself. The house I stayed in didn’t have a television, so at night, I pretty much played my gospel music and planned out what I was going to do the next day.

It was exactly what I needed. I woke up one morning to the Lord telling me “don’t compare yourself.”  I thought about that for a moment as I turned over and thought, man…is that what I’m doing?!

I know I’d like to think I don’t but, I’m guessing if He’s telling me that, it must be for a reason.  I thought about that the whole train ride home and was going to write about that, but then when I got home, I felt like I was going right back into the funk I had before I left. I got a phone call from my ever-so-loving husband about what he needed me to do with the kids that day and

I was like, are you serious?! I just got home 2 hours ago, and you’re already telling me to get back to work!! That hurt my feelings. My time away, to get refreshed was immediately taken away.  I could feel myself getting angry again. Resentment was trying to ease its way back in.

I could feel the animosity trying to make me say things I would later regret. Instead of “going off,” I asked the Lord to help me. I said, “God, look at this. I just got home.  Aaron didn’t ask how I was, how my trip was, what I did, nothing…he just told me what he needed me to do because he couldn’t do it because he was working. How do I not let this affect me?!”

The Lord replied, “It’s a choice!” I was like, what do you mean?! He said, “you can choose to be upset, or you can not let that bother you, and move forward.” I asked how was I not supposed to let it bother me when it does. He said, “you know how when you meet a stranger and you smile at them?!

You know how when someone you don’t know asks you a question and you answer them nicely, without an attitude?!  You know when you’re introduced to a person for the first time, how likable you are?!  You CHOOSE to act that way! Life is all about choices. ”After I thought about it,

I had a duh moment…bopped myself on the forehead, could have had a V8 moment.  Yeah! Every day I make choices. Some I like, some I don’t, but I had to choose.  No one chose for me. I can either choose to have an attitude or I can choose to be happy, joyful, grateful, thankful, and positive with every choice I make. I mean, I could be worse off, but I’m not.

God has been too good to me for me to be in a funk over what someone said to me.  People are going to say things to me that I may not agree with, but I don’t have to let what they say to me change how I feel or how I act. Later that day I went to my sister’s birthday brunch.

I was still in my mood when I got there so I figured I wouldn’t say much because I didn’t want to ruin her event. She introduced me to some people and I immediately smiled at them.  I was asked a question, and I answered it in a pleasant way. I even laughed at a joke that was made at the table. I could hear the Lord say, “See! You are choosing to have a good time.” I knew that when I got home, I had to act the same way, even if I didn’t want to.

My husband and my kids deserve the same me when I am away from them, as when I’m at home.  I also, have to remember I set the tone in my home. If I make my home peaceful, it will be peaceful.  If I make it stressful, it will be stressful. Again, it’s my choice.

So, I will choose to have a home where I am not wanting to get away, but a home I enjoy.  I will be grateful for this part of my journey until the Lord takes me on a different path.  What are some ways you can choose to be happy?